In Dawn L. Baker, MD's book "Lean Out," she shares a similar quote as the one in the photo-
“Stop worrying about other people liking you. Most people don’t even like themselves.” (p. 50)
It hit me in the gut.
I facilitate workshops on overcoming the fear of other people's opinions, so this topic is on my mind often. Yet, when I read the quote, it struck me on a deeper visceral level.
People who cast negative energy and criticism toward others that is not constructive and is fueled with hate often are showing you their own relationship with themselves. What it brings up for us is an opportunity for self-reflection and awareness of how we are doing with our relationship with ourselves.
I recently was in an environment where I received relentless judgment. I have spent much of my life adapting myself to reduce these judgments and to try to be perfect to receive more love instead. I became a professional people pleaser at the cost of my own self-perception and boundaries. I attempted to be who I thought I needed to be and correct myself for every perceived flaw in hopes that being perfect would make me more lovable. Reclaiming the narrative and being very intentional about the environments that I am in has helped me to heal and grow, and it helped me to identify more clearly when I am in an environment that does not provide the safety and support I desire.
I was so depleted after my time in the negative energy environment where I was constantly being judged and treated as if my needs or desires did not matter. It brought to the surface all of the years I spent making myself small and silencing myself as I did not feel deserving of space - I felt that all too familiar feeling of defaulting back to old habits to survive. Reflecting on it, I thought - It's easier to judge others than it is to change ourselves. What did those judgments of me mean about the person casting them? What do my own judgments show me about myself? What are my reactions showing me about what I need in these moments?
The pain of being constantly judged and never feeling enough has helped me to dedicate myself to mindfulness teachings - being compassionate, curious, and non-judgmental. When we learn to like ourselves... even love ourselves... we show up differently in this world. We are able to spread more love to others and see that hate projected on us is not ours to absorb, but shows us the pain in those who cast it.
How does your relationship with yourself impact how you see the world and the humans in it?
Do you like or love yourself? How may liking/loving yourself impact the way you respond to other's judgments?
What do you notice about judgments - from yourself and others? How do they serve us?
What other thoughts/reflections arise?
If this topic resonates with you, I HIGHLY recommend you read and listen to Dawn L. Baker, MD's Lean Out book and podcast! Check them out below. 💫
Lean Out Book: https://practicebalance.com/lean-out-book/
Lean Out Podcast: https://practicebalance.com/podcast/
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