TLDR - The people who are unwilling to tolerate the BS in the face of dysfunction are often identified as the problem by those who have adapted and/or benefit from the maintenance of the status quo. Too often, we believe it (that we are the problem)... By challenging this belief and reframing, we can reclaim our narrative and empower ourselves to stay true to our mission... and keep being "the problem" in a way that aligns with our capacity to make the changes we wish to see in the world.
I grew up in family dysfunction that has similar qualities to the healthcare system (which may have been why it felt so cozy yet confusing to be navigating it while seeking wellness for patients and myself).
I was in therapy, yesterday, and… while I don't typically share what was said behind closed doors, I do want to normalize going to therapy, and my therapist is an amazing therapist/coach whose words helped me to see my life through a new lens that I would like to share with those who also need to hear them…
During the session, I embraced the pain and healing as I let go of the illusion of what I thought my life could have been and how much I took responsibility for dysfunctional systemic (i.e., family, societal, healthcare, military) issues... for my perceived "failings" along the way.
The therapist challenged my thinking by offering me a reframe to the messages I had received, which included years of being told that I was "the problem" (which I adopted to be true and bad) when standing up for change in the face of systemic oppression and maltreatment.
He said (paraphrased), "You were the problem... you wouldn't tolerate the BS and the other individuals had adapted to the dysfunction." Thus, my intolerance and push for change was a problem for those resistant and who benefitted from the status quo.
I F'ING LOVE THIS REFRAME.
For me, it completely reshaped the meaning I gave to being "the problem" when advocating for myself and others in a way that has been authentic and aligned with my values.
Have you been labeled "the problem" when advocating for change? How does the reframe impact you and your perception of yourself? Is there anything you would have done differently? Kept the same?
What are the benefits and risks of being “the problem”? When considering our actions, it can be empowering to recognize that being “the problem” is a good thing, and there are also real-life ramifications we need to prepare for when the systems do not want to change- and will do seemingly anything to silence us.
The therapist also told me (paraphrased): “I'd tell you if you really were the problem, work with you to consider how you got there, and support you to address that so I'm not just blowing smoke....” hahaha! Which I value - because transparency is an act of kindness for me, and I'd rather someone call out my BS than leave me with blind spots.
So fellow disruptors and empowered badasses who refuse to tolerate BS - how may we continue to be the "problem" in ways that align with our authentic selves and create the change we wish to see in this world?
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