In my 20s, I thought I was badass when I was at the hospital all the time and wore multiple pagers. I felt needed and being able to stay awake felt suprahuman - minus the fact that my brain was in agony and craving sleep (something I didn't want to admit at the time). I had high anticipatory anxiety, so I wasn't catching up on sleep when I was no longer on call. My nervous system was shot.
Not eating and running to cope didn't help in the long run, but it helped to numb me at the time. Some may lean on substances, eating, or other forms of temporary relief for a similar reason. Judging people for their numbing agents of choice is not helpful. Be curious and appreciate there is a deeper pain underneath that needs nurturing and support- not criticism, blame, or shame.
My addictions were not only acceptable by society, but often held in high regard. Overwork, rigid diet, obsessive exercise.
I had to choose to no longer crave the attention I was given by society for these behaviors in order to start to change and repair my relationship with myself, work, food, exercise, and rest.
Today, I define badass as being your true self in a world that often tries to mold us to be who we are not. In order to help others to nourish their own minds, bodies, and spirits, I continuously work on my relationship with myself and assess how I'm doing with taking care of my own needs.
Craving the feeling of being needed by people and systems that won't show up by my deathbed takes a backseat to being present for those who truly care.
Being present for Reese means turning down opportunities to spend most waking hours in the hospital.
As long as Reese is alive, my commitment to him fuels the majority of my life and career decisions.
Not all will understand the prioritization of a dog.
That's okay.
When we meet people who do, we know we've found our community.
When initially speaking about my career pivots and my move away from surgery, I was afraid people would look down on me and think I was less than - many probably do.. and that's also okay.
What people think of us is a reflection of them.
What comes up for us helps us to see where we may need to do some inner work.
Living a life where I am not afraid of other people's opinions has required working on my own opinion of myself.
We can't control what other people think of us - turn inward and ask- what do you think of you? If the answer isn't a loving one, reach out for support.
Years of self-hate taught me the importance of self-love. Without it, I wouldn't be here - and I fear that others face the same risk if not supported on their journey to finding and loving themselves... knowing that they are worthy, valuable, and matter.
Always.
Not "when"...
Now.
What will it take for you to fully embrace and embody the belief that you are worthy, valuable, and matter- now and forever?
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